Thoughts

Last night as I was lamenting, yet again, to my husband about our current childless state, he said something that I thought was rather profound.

“Some would say that the Lord is punishing us because we don’t have children yet. But, we haven’t done anything wrong. I think the Lord is extremely aware of our situation and knows that we can’t handle a child with our current circumstances. He won’t give us burdens we are unable to bear.”

I was thinking of my dear friend Andrea. “I wonder if I’ll be really sick,” I replied,

“Maybe, and think of where that will do to us financially.” I am the one that brings home the paycheck we live on. If I were to get as sick as Andrea – not being able to function on a semi-normal level, we wouldn’t survive. Of course, I could probably get short term and long term disability, but that only covers 80% of my paycheck. And then there is the issue of having to go back to work at the end of maternity leave. That would KILL me!!! I wouldn't be able to do it.

And don’t go judging Blaine. Circumstances in our lives have dictated that he be jobless so that he can help his father and brothers through the recent divorce that tore his family apart. It has been a blessing for both us and his father, but that’s a story for another day. (And Blaine just got a second interview with Best Buy, so we’re hoping he gets hired, even if its only for the seasonal work. It may turn into full time . . .)

Back to our conversation –

“Not to mention the fact that you wouldn’t be able to finish your master’s degree.” Now, as appealing as that is at this moment in my life and as tired as I am of working full time and schooling full time, I’m currently 2 ½ classes away from student teaching. That's 4 months away! I’m so close to finishing and I want to get it done!!! Especially before we uproot and move to Utah or Idaho so Blaine can go back to school. I need to finish this degree.

“So, think of it more as the Lord knows that for us to have a child right now would be too much for us to handle.”

And as willing as we are right now to have a child and welcome one into our home, it really would be too much.  So I will find other things to occupy my time and enjoy nursery on Sundays :)